Brian's Review - Somewhere (2010)

"Somewhere" is something else.

Released: 2010
Genre(s): Drama

Sofia Coppola is known for precisely infusing her films with a gentle subtly, oftentimes mimicking real life. Each movie brings a quiet beauty to the screen, conveying a profound message that seeps deep, without overpowering or drifting into melodrama. "Somewhere" is no exception to this formula, playing out as a unique slice-of-life film, much like Coppola's previous offerings, while simultaneously managing to significantly transcend this standard structure. No time is wasted on developing an overwrought or forced storyline, rather simple character interactions drive this tale of gradual redemption and sensitization to life. Coppola's characters feel inherently alive, making it easy to allow their successes - both big and small - to warm the soul in a very real way. Much like Coppola's other movies, there is an undertone of melancholy and bittersweet reality apparent throughout the entirety of the film, but this just makes the victories of its characters that much more genuine and heartfelt. While some movies attempt to artificially saturate every moment with contrived, thematic symbolism, "Somewhere" proves how quietly charming it can be to watch something that presents itself as believably organic.

Rating (out of 5): 4

Brian's Review - Tales From The Dead

Homegrown Japanese horror means the best of both worlds.

Released: 2007
Genre(s): Horror, Thriller

J-Horror is one of my favorite sub-genres within the horror genre: it tends to rely more heavily on a suffocating and anxious atmosphere than on cheap jump-scares or over-the-top gore effects, and this sinister darkness is meticulously developed through character interactions, menacing environments, and unsettling plotlines. American horror movies tend to lack this focus on storytelling, rather falling back on stylized (and often gimmicky) presentation to invoke tension; this unfortunately oftentimes stifles the generation of any genuine terror. "Tales From The Dead" is quite a unique film, as it is a Japanese horror movie made in America using Japanese-American talent; due to this, it manages to sample from the best parts of both Japanese and American horror styles. The film consists of four short stories, each highlighting a different supernatural event, and each bringing about some major creeps. Plot-wise, this movie not only manages to build up an incredible amount of unease, but each vignette serves as a cautionary tale of sorts, without beating the audience over the head with its messages. Despite the obvious low-budget, the production value of this film is quite decent, and the cinematography, combined with the thoughtful, well-written story, yields more dread, intrigue, and mystery than most American movies with bigger studio backings. While some movies need to lean on cheap tricks to produce any real scares, "Tales From The Dead" proves it can effectively draw from two completely different worlds and this unique presentation alone makes it worth watching at least once.

Rating (out of 5): 4

Brian's Review - Devil's Playground (2010)

The British like parkour so much, even their zombies are doing it.

Released: 2010
Genre(s): Horror, Action

Zombie movies are a dime a dozen, flooding the film industry with straight-to-DVD-caliber slop, and rarely managing to stand out in a crowd of copycats: yes, the zombie genre has become a horrible caricature, an unfortunate parody, of the very subject matter it addresses. At first, British zombie entry "Devil's Playground" feels fairly run-of-the-mill, with a misguided medical corporation accidentally unleashing a biochemical that causes a fatal epidemic (see: "Resident Evil"), which causes super-powered zombies to ravage London (see: "28 Days Later"), and leaves humanity's last hope resting in the genetics of a single person who shows immunity to the disease (see: "I Am Legend"). While this film definitely draws heavy inspiration from the movies that came before it, the high-quality execution of "Devil's Playground" allows it to transcend the typical, ripped-off mash-ups that saturate the market. The action here is fast-paced and brutal, and the unbearable hopelessness of the survivors is almost palpable at times, as they are seldom offered a reprieve from the onslaught of zombie attackers. The acting is above-par as well, so supporting the survivors' efforts is made much easier, despite characters falling into the typical zombie survivor group archetypes (i.e. badass zombie slayer, too-scared-to-do-anything-but-scream girl, only-out-for-himself guy, etc.). The story isn't anything to write home about, with a simplistic script and minor plot developments serving as basic connectors between scenes of zombie action, which honestly is absolutely fine: the writing doesn't try too hard to be something it's not, and as such, never gets in its own way. This doesn't mean "Devil's Playground" isn't without emotion, as I actually found myself caring more about the fate of these characters than I typically do during a zombie flick, which shows that the meager, backstory drama this film addresses was adequate enough to get me involved without feeling too forced. If there was one major thing I disliked about "Devil's Playground" it's this: why the hell do the zombies do parkour stunts while chasing after their victims? It's unintentionally ridiculous to watch, and I almost laughed out loud a number of times during some very brutal action sequences because of it. Regardless, "Devil's Playground" is tense enough and wild enough to be worth at least a single viewing by any zombie movie fan looking for at least a faint glimmer of light in a sludge-drenched genre.

Rating (out of 5): 3.5

Brian's Review - Pulse (2001)

Never use the internet again.

Released: 2001
Genre(s): Horror, Thriller

Japanese horror films tend to follow a fairly predictable formula: someone dies under mysterious circumstances, her (almost always a "her") ghost comes back to kill a bunch of people, then an understanding person manages to pacify the angry spirit by uncovering the truth. Or everybody dies. Regardless, Japan's "Pulse" (originally titled "Kairo") differentiates itself just enough to stand out in the crowd of long-haired, pale-faced, vengeful ghost girls. There are zero jump-scares here: this film is driven solely on atmosphere, and the first half of this movie makes this especially clear, almost feeling overwhelmingly heavy and dark at times. While the second half of the film offers some segments of mild reprieve, during which the characters try to decipher what is actually going on (these, unfortunately, can drag a bit), there's no real sense of relief offered, as the situation becomes more and more hopeless. The symbolism in this movie is powerful, if you let it be, and the weight of that message left me feeling a bit drained, but overall, a horror film is a potent vessel for a social commentary. Whether you take it purely as a Japanese creepfest, or as an overwhelmingly bleak cautionary tale, "Pulse" is well worth a watch if you're in the mood for something outside the normal realm of horror offerings. Oh, and be sure to avoid the crappy American remake. Avoid it like you'd avoid a Japanese ghost in a dark room.

Rating (out of 5): 4

Brian's Review - Like Crazy

Crazy good.

Released: 2011
Genre(s): Romance, Drama

Not many movies have the ability to make me really feel with the characters. I've seen plenty of films that make me feel for the characters, to pity them as they struggle through a soul-testing situation, but rarely do I truly empathize with them. "Like Crazy" had me swept up in the feelings of the main couple right from the start. The script is rumored to be almost completely improvised by the actors, and it shows: Anton Yelchin and Felicity Jones capture that unique chemistry and charm that can only be found in the shy, awkward, romantic interactions of a couple trying to find the right words. If "Like Crazy" truly succeeds at one thing, it's at being superbly realistic, with every scene feeling absolutely honest and alive - I found the film genuinely uplifting while watching the couple's heartfelt and innocent romance triumph, and felt nothing but horrible dread during the moments that it spiraled out of control into a cold and dark place. Rooting for an on-screen couple has never been easier, but the bittersweet melancholy of this film might be hard to endure for those seeking a more Nicholas Sparks-esque story, as there is no hiding from the hyper-realistic pain Yelchin and Jones' characters undergo. If you're just as comfortable with the idea of watching two characters blindly and clumsily feel their way through the first carefree steps of a budding romance as you are with the thought of the same couple reminding you of your first real, gut-wrenching heartbreak, then "Like Crazy" will serve up one of the most diverse, enriched buffets of emotional soul food you've ever tasted.

Rating (out of 5): 4

Brian's Review - Dream House (2011)

A house boring enough to put you in Dreamland.

Released: 2011
Genre(s): Thriller, Mystery, Drama

If you ever saw a commercial/preview/poster for "Dream House," you probably thought the same thing I did: "Awesome! A horror/thriller movie where James Bond (Daniel Craig) gets to battle a haunted house!" This misleading marketing is unfortunately a huge reason that this movie failed so hard in theaters, with people hoping to see a ghost story horror, but instead getting a tired, uninspired, supernatural/psychological thriller hybrid. The premise itself - while feeling somewhat underdeveloped and recycled - isn't a horrible one, and there are enough twists here to keep things at least mildly interesting. Unfortunately, said twists are so excessively telegraphed that they come off as both predictable and painfully forced; plot developments like these should pack more of a punch, instead of coming off as weak and ham-fisted. Not everything is bad here though: the cinematography is stylized and focused, the acting is decent enough (with Craig at the helm of a competent supporting cast), and the film really does build tension quite nicely. It's a terrible shame that the execution of this movie is so poor, especially late in the film where the storyline gets significantly more engaging; instead of playing off of the intense atmosphere, the momentum grinds to a halt, the plot twists become overly-simplified, and melodrama raises its ugly head ever-so-slightly above the murky surface. This movie has potential, but collapses under its own weighted expectations, sadly failing to deliver on the excitement it promises. However, if you're looking for a mild, easily-digestible thriller, this might just be the dream you've been waiting to have.

Rating (out of 5): 2.5

Brian's Review - Ju-on: The Grudge 2

A good reason not to visit Japan.

Released: 2003
Genre(s): Horror, Thriller

With "Ju-on: The Grudge," horror fans were given a sinisterly bone-chilling haunted house story, complete with creepy, Japanese spooks crawling out of random shadows. However, the pacing of the first title lacked consistency, allowing the tension to build up nicely enough, only to drop off completely and without warning whenever a new "chapter" of the story decided to randomly interrupt the current scenario. While "Ju-on: The Grudge 2" returns to this vignette-driven formula, each segment feels more intact than those in the previous film: the plot doesn’t just suddenly jump away without first ensuring that your skin is crawling with the ferocity of an angry anthill. The menacing atmosphere seems to have more stamina in this iteration as well, rarely letting up, even when transitioning between scenes. The creep-out factor in this movie is ramped up significantly from the first, with the ghosts finding new, awful ways to terrorize their victims, which consequently means there’s more for the audience to bite their nails over. Even though everything feels very familiar in this film, the execution here is just so much more effective than in the first movie, making it a clear improvement over the original in almost every respect. This sequel is an incredibly unsettling thrill ride that will have fans of the first "Ju-on: The Grudge" feeling even more creeped out than before.

Rating (out of 5): 4

Brian's Review - The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor

Tomb of "The Mummy" series.

Released: 2008
Genre(s): Action, Adventure, Fantasy

The first two entries in "The Mummy" series are some of the most fun and exciting action-adventures ever crafted. Brendan Fraser romps through "The Mummy" and "The Mummy Returns" with an unreserved gusto and unbridled goofiness, enhancing the witty writing and explosive action sequences. Seven years after the the second film charmed and excited audiences, "The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor" randomly lurched into theaters in a half-assed attempt to squeeze a few more dollars out of a long-dead franchise. Despite the exciting addition of martial arts phenom Jet Li, the action in this third iteration feels cheapened by an excessive amount of special effects; and while the first two movies enjoyed their fair share of great effects work, the addition of computer-generated stunts and sequences in "The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor" doesn't augment the live-action scenes, but rather almost completely drowns them out. This is unfortunate, because the movie is more or less just one giant action scene, so audiences should be prepared to see plenty of CGI mumm-...well, everything. Ironically, the only reason this film wins any points at all is due to how great said special effects look. Beyond that, there's really not much else here: charming dialogue, engrossing plot elements, and any semblance of character development have all been shoved aside, with the vague hope that "The Mummy" name has enough pertinence to cause people to overlook such gigantic issues. Unfortunately, even Brendan Fraser seems to have lost interest in this series, with his normally endearing quips being replaced by a deadpan vacancy that makes even his undead foes seem very much alive. I'd only recommend this one if you're a die-hard fan of these movies, who absolutely must finish the series. Even then, if you ever have to admit to watching this, you might want to tell people you were at gunpoint.

Rating (out of 5): 1.5

Brian's Review - The Goonies

Goonies never say die.

Released: 1985
Genre(s): Adventure, Comedy

Long before potato-loving hobbit Sam Gamgee decided to help Frodo Baggins take a walking tour of Middle Earth, Sean Astin took part in an equally exciting, albeit far less epic, journey. "The Goonies" is every young child's fantasy: the opportunity to go hunting for treasure, romping around in secret caverns, while dodging deadly traps, and fighting off the bad guys. Steven Spielberg manages to pack just as much swashbuckling action into this film as wacky comedy, resulting in one of the most quotable movies of the 1980s. The characters are just as wild as the storyline, placing a ragtag group of misfit kids at the helm, and letting them drive full-speed into an adventure-comedy that manages to deliver big on the thrills, while not straying completely outside of "family-friendly" territory. If you're a fan of anything ranging from "Indiana Jones" to Saturday morning cartoons, or if you're just looking for a light-hearted and cheeky evening of outrageously-goofy hijinks, then "The Goonies" is just the type of adventure your nostalgia needs.

Rating (out of 5): 4

Brian's Review - The Descendants

A film as enjoyable as a beautiful day on the beach.

Released: 2011
Genre(s): Comedy, Drama

At first "The Descendants" comes across as just another slice-of-life movie: a quiet family is slowly torn apart by something adverse, causing skeletons to come spilling out of the closet, and it's up them all to forgive each other and find some sort of triumphant redemption. However, upon actually sitting down and viewing this fine picture, one realizes just how much "The Descendants" transcends this formula. It's not hard to feel the tension in this movie (mainly supplemented by some of the best acting George Clooney has ever exhibited); genuinely sympathizing with the protagonist and his family is almost a prerequisite to completing the film. While the situation they find themselves in is clearly a heart-wrenching tragedy, the movie actually bathes itself in a very bittersweet light - the humor found here is incredibly warm and bright. During these moments of charming, honest emotion, I would silently root for the main characters, willing the movie universe to make all of their troubles work out in the cleanest of ways. Herein lies the greatest accomplishment of "The Descendants" - it makes the viewer see these characters as real people, and it is this human connection that makes this film so rewarding to see. A film that realistically mimics family ties, I can assure you that you won't have a more enjoyable time watching a group of people self-destruct. Add in the fact that this movie manages to maximize the natural beauty of the Hawaiian landscape as a backdrop, and you've got one hell of a cinematic vacation.

Rating (out of 5): 4.5

Brian's Review - The Rum Diary

Not enough rum. Not enough diary.

Released: 2011
Genre(s): Comedy, Drama

The great and late author Hunter S. Thompson is easily one of American literature's most colorful characters of all time. His over-the-top exploits and scathing social commentaries have been documented in countless written works and even have served as the source material for a handful of movies. However, if you're looking for what you found in "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas" in "The Rum Diary," then you may find yourself somewhat disappointed. Based off of the novel of the same name, "The Rum Diary" at first seems to promise a journey full of comedy, intrigue, and wild, drunken debauchery. Unfortunately, what's served to us in the end is not premium-distilled rum, but cheap, watered-down, light American beer. Sure, the movie has Johnny Depp again embodying a variation of Thompson, complete with unique voice inflection and blatant disregard for the norm. However, the main issue of this film seems to stem not from Depp (or any of the supporting cast, for that matter), but from the execution of the movie itself: unfortunately, there's nothing substantial enough to capture our interests, nothing frenzied and frantic enough to make us sweat like someone trying not to be noticed, while on acid in the middle of church. The story has moments where it soars almost into the realm of hysterical brilliance, yet (much like Thompson's writing at the time) lacks that polished Gonzo voice that became so iconic within the world of the written word. Not a horrible movie - yes, things do manage to delve into the weird here - but this is a mere shadow of what Thompson eventually became. To quote the man himself, it's a film that's "One of God's own prototypes. Some kind of high-powered super mutant, never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live and too rare to die."

Rating (out of 5): 3

Brian's Review - Halloween (1978)

As if the holiday wasn't creepy enough already.

Released: 1978
Genre(s): Horror, Thriller

1978: John Carpenter decides to let loose a homicidal, teen-butchering, knife-wielding maniac in a small, suburban neighborhood, set to spine-chilling, synth-driven keyboard music (composed by Carpenter himself). Thus, Michael Myers is created, launching a reign of supreme cinematic terror across a multitude of movies. I'm not a huge fan of slasher movies: they tend to be shallow, predictable, gratuitously gore-heavy extravaganzas, with few genuine scares, and even fewer likable characters. "Halloween" is a film I consider to be a true milestone in the development of the modern horror movie experience. John Carpenter crafts an incredibly simple, yet impressively effective villain in Michael Meyers - a character that is pure evil, plain and simple. The first entry in the series doesn't waste time explaining some forced, pop psychology-based filler of a backstory for why Michael is the way he is; instead, it almost immediately gets into what horror movies should be about: horror. The violence isn't overdone, but is so brutally efficient and savage that it comes as a major shock that there is virtually no gore at all in this film. This actually is a surprisingly effective technique, since "Halloween" doesn't rely on gimmicky effects to generate scares. The fact that Michael doesn't speak a word while he picks off his victims - instead breathing heavily through a rubber mask - kicks the creep-factor of this movie up many, many notches. The atmosphere in each scene is incredibly menacing, making some of the best scares in "Halloween" some of the most subtle (including one of the most unsettling scenes in a horror movie involving a bed sheet this side of "Paranormal Activity 3"). As far as I'm concerned, this film set the bar for every slasher that has attempted to follow it, with very few matching up to it, and even fewer exceeding it. If you're looking for an effectively frightening and grim thriller, look no further than this horror classic.

Rating (out of 5): 4

Brian's Review - The Muppets

Mah-Na Mah-Nawesome.

Released: 2011
Genre(s): Comedy, Family, Drama

Pigs in Space. Muppet News Flash. Mah-Na Mah-Na. All sketches that became iconic in their own right. "The Muppet Show" simultaneously brought ecstatic laughter and outrageous weirdness to audiences around the country, and did so with wild disregard for the norm. While the popularity of the Muppets has waxed and waned over the years, Jim Henson's masterful creations have remained timeless and classic in their existences; due to this, 2011's "The Muppets" feels less like a revival of the franchise and more like a return visit from an old friend. All of the long-standing favorite characters make appearances here, alongside a plethora of celebrity cameos, embodying the original idea of the star-studded TV series. The musical aspect of the movie manages to encompass something for both young, new fans and those who grew up with the Muppets - there are old classics mixed in with the newly-composed numbers here that will have you tapping your toes and chuckling right along to every lyric. The film's humor follows this same formula, with references to classic sketches mingling with insanely entertaining new scenarios. "The Muppets" occasionally even breaks the fourth wall, very effectively generating laughs without making it an overdone gimmick. I also have to commend Jason Segel and Amy Adams for adding a ridiculous amount of goofy charm to the slapstick, sharp-as-a-tack humor prevalent throughout this journey. "The Muppets" is in no way a family film that becomes too heavy for children, but older viewers may also enjoy the genuinely touching moments between characters and the deeper, personal quest of accepting oneself that the film offers between its sillier moments. While at times hopelessly-nostalgic, all in all the movie soars as a gut-bustingly good time that can be enjoyed by people of all ages, and serves as a wonderful launching pad for future entries into the long-running labor of love known as "The Muppets."

Rating (out of 5): 5

Brian's Review - Rise of the Planet of the Apes

This reboot doesn't monkey around.

Released: 2011
Genre(s): Action, Drama, Sci-Fi

Normally, I'm against Hollywood rebooting long-dead, well-established franchises: typically, nobody is asking for them, and there's really no need to resurrect them when there's so much innovative, undiscovered talent available. I understand why studios love the idea of beating a few final bucks out of a dead horse, especially when the series' name alone allows minimum effort to sell tickets, but I feel like this cheap tactic rarely brings anything memorable or enjoyable to the table. Then there's "Rise of the Planet of the Apes" - Hollywood's attempt to restart the old-school, sci-fi "Planet of the Apes" series. Sure, this movie has a heavy focus on special effects (and boy, are they impressive), but there is far more than a glossy new coat of paint offered by this iteration: aside from the obvious overhaul to the reborn storyline, "Rise of the Planet of the Apes" crafts something that feels less B-movie than its former incarnations and feels more (pardon the comparison) "human." The acting is decent, with a competent, star-studded cast, but one of the greatest things this film does is convey genuine emotion through a computer-generated ape's facial expressions and body language; there's a certain charm to the character, and in truth, I was rooting for the apes by the end of this adventure. The effects definitely enhance the great action sequences in this movie, instead of distracting from them, and showcase a true understanding of balance within modern filmmaking. While not Oscar-worthy by any stretch of the imagination, this movie manages to transcend most of the kitschy cheese of its predecessors, while still remaining a faithful reimagining of a well-loved series.

Rating (out of 5): 4

Brian's Review - Shutter (2004)

Never use a Polaroid again.

Released: 2004
Genre(s): Horror, Thriller

Before America decided to rip-off yet another Asian horror film and turn it into something far less scary and far more stupid, Thailand's "Shutter" was busy scaring the crap out of audiences with one of the creepiest ghost photography-centric storylines around (maybe only surpassed by the outrageously terrifying video game "Fatal Frame"). While the idea of a vengeful, Asian ghost girl haunting a group of people is nothing new, the way in which this movie is executed makes it stand out from the crowd: the plot unfolds in a way that makes "Shutter" equal parts dramatic revelation and edge-of-your-seat thriller. Despite a handful of jump-scares, this film's horror aspect doesn't feel cheap or gimmicky at all; the pacing of the story makes almost every scene incredibly tense, allowing things to build to a pressurized head, before blasting you in the face with something dementedly creepy. The thrills come fast and hard, especially during the second half, but the story definitely has enough riveting twists and turns to make the movie more than just a mindless vehicle for cheap scare tactics. This iteration is in a completely different league than its American counterpart, making it a must-see not just for fans of Asian horror, but also for any fans of a good ghost story. Even those who might have already seen the remake may want to check this version out; the storyline may not be very refreshing, but the superior execution might bring about some newfound appreciation for this unsettling film.

Rating (out of 5): 4

Brian's Review - The Mummy Returns

Why do people keep waking up this guy?

Released: 2001
Genre(s): Action, Adventure, Fantasy

"The Mummy Returns" plunges audiences right back into the same type of wild, over-the-top, action-adventure romp established in the first movie of the series. The action here is a little more brutal than in the original, with hand-to-hand battle sequences showcasing some very fun fight choreography. While the story feels familiar in many respects, it still manages to unfold in a manner that keeps things fresh and entertaining. Unfortunately, emphasizing this action-heavy formula reduces the amount of time the film spends on genuinely developing the colorful cast of characters. True, the movie mimics its prequel in style as a tongue-in-cheek, one-liner-fueled quip fest - including a charming and playful chemistry between Brendan Fraser and Rachel Weisz - but the main focus of "The Mummy Returns" is action, serving as a showcase for special effects and fierce thrills. This isn't necessarily a bad thing, but those who felt the (somewhat corny) humor in the first movie really made it shine might be a bit disappointed. Regardless, the second movie in this action-adventure series clearly proves that it's worthy to stand tall next to its predecessor.

Rating (out of 5): 3

Brian's Review - The Evil Twin

Evilly predictable.

Released: 2007
Genre(s): Horror, Thriller, Drama

I tend to prefer Asian horror movies over American horror for a number of reasons: the effects aren't overdone, there are generally less cheap jump-scares, and riveting story is seamlessly combined with gripping terror to create some profoundly unsettling and massively tense scenarios. Korean horror/thriller "The Evil Twin" unfortunately disappoints on several levels. This is your typical, formulaic, Asian ghost story: something tragic happened in the past that nobody wants to talk about, until someone spills the beans after the angry/sad spirit of a young girl starts mutilating/murdering people, due to some unfinished business in the world of the living. "The Evil Twin" storyline isn't all that original, but it still manages to maintain a fairly consistent atmosphere of unease through most of the movie. The ghost gets in a decent number of kills, but unfortunately the build up to each one feels somewhat predictable, removing any real sense of terror from most of the scenes. Unfortunately, this predictability bleeds over into the plot as well, making the final twist lackluster at best. The film does manage to throw in some genuine creep-out moments that can generate some true anxiety, but as a "horror" movie, it's surprisingly mild. There's some unfortunate overacting throughout, further cementing this film's place on K-Horror's B-squad. If you're seeking something a little more spine-chilling, check out "A Tale of Two Sisters" (also Korean), but if you're new to the horror genre or just want an offering that's more on the tame side, check this one out; it may be right up your alley.

Rating (out of 5): 2.5

Brian's Review - Transformers 12: Transformers in Time!!!

If this movie was a girl, I'd totally take her to prom!!!

Released: 2012
Genre(s): Action, Michael Bay, EXPLOSIONS!!

Holy crap!! I've seen a lot of movies in my life, but Michael Bay just might have outdone himself! I mean, the guy is an effing genius: he puts more explosions into every movie than Jesus!! He's the film equivalent of Criss Angel - dark, brooding, and definitely magic! Mikey's most recent flick "Transformers 12: Transformers in Time!!!" had so many EXPLOSIONS in it that I totally didn't care about the story or character development AT ALL!! If you love explosions like I do, then you will need to bring at least two adult diapers with you if you plan on seeing this, because IT WILL ROCK EVERYTHING STRAIGHT OUT OF YOUR BOWELS!! Mike has packed some awesome robot dinosaurs that shoot beams when they roar into this movie, and it's up to the heroes to stop them (SPOILER ALERT: or maybe make friends with them?!)!! I think it's cool how time played a factor in this movie, because if it was based in just one time period then there wouldn't be enough epic set pieces and plot devices to really make this movie shine!! There are some heartwarming moments that made me cry a lot, but they were happy tears, because the acting is so good! LOL!! The graphics in this one are awesome too and are all hand-drawn with coal by small children in Cambodia!! Michael explained the reason they moved from 3D back to the classic 2D-style is due to the profit margin for the last two films being way, way, WAY too small to afford more than four summer homes at once!! The best feature of this movie series though is its undeniable and unlimited potential for sequels!! The ending of "Tranformers 12: Transformers in Time!!!" is such a cliff-hanger, so we all know there will be a "Transformers 13" and that's just more awesome than a fat bus rolling into Cannibal Town! Rumor has it that the sequel will maybe take place in the jungle, or somewhere in the desert, or in a populated city, or MAYBE EVEN IN SPACE!! I'm so excited that I just peed and threw up AT THE SAME TIME!!! Anyway, on a serious note, you need to go see this movie, because it'll TRANSFORM your heart (I put that in caps so everyone could tell what I did there)!!

Rating (out of 5): Higher than God can count!!

Brian's Review - Hobo with a Shotgun

It'd be much more boring if he just bought booze.

Released: 2011
Genre(s): Action, Thriller

Featured within the 2007 film "Grindhouse" (by powerhouse duo Quentin Tarantino and Robert Rodriguez) was a fictitious trailer for a movie entitled "Hobo with a Shotgun": an exploitation-style action flick that reveled in insane violence. Feedback was so positive for the trailer that by 2011 it was released as a real feature-length film. Despite its trailer's inclusion in a Tarantino-Rodriguez film, "Hobo with a Shotgun" is a mere shadow of what it could have been, opting to retain half the ironic humor of similar offerings in the genre and none of the intelligence. Sure, it's loud, wild, and over-the-top - not to mention, Rutger Hauer does a great job as the titular character - but overall, it's missing that witty punch that turns the overbearing, obnoxious noise into a beautiful, genius melody. Gratuitous violence and gore, nudity, excessive vulgarity - it's all here, but it's nothing new or creative, causing "Hobo with a Shotgun" to view more like an absurdly thorough (albeit enjoyable) homage to better films in the genre than a groundbreaking entry that can stand on its own. Don't expect to be blown away (no pun intended) by anything here.

Rating (out of 5): 3