Brian's Review - The Caller (2011)

Time to invest in caller ID.

Released: 2011
Genre(s): Thriller, Mystery

While some people may recognize leading lady Rachelle Lefevre from the original, craptastic "Twilight" movie, it'd be a mistake to dismiss 2011's "The Caller on the assumption that it targets a similar demographic. No sparkling vampires can be found here - rather, grating teenage angst is replaced by a brooding, yet thoughtful and constant atmosphere of unrest, and adolescent pining is nowhere to be seen among the truly unsettling character interactions.

While the film's premise may seem a tad absurd, nestled somewhere between an episode of "The Twilight Zone" and a twisted version of "The Lake House," the hodgepodge of plot components surprisingly works here. It's actually even kind of an original and - dare I say? - cool idea. Lefevre's character gives the flick a very grounded feel, as she plays a woman steeped in depression after a nasty divorce, but the scenario manages to avoid congealing into a bucket of Lifetime-worthy slop. This can mostly be attributed to the movie's commendable ability to effectively blend elements from dramas, psychological thrillers, and supernatural horrors. The pacing of the story itself isn't awful either, with the wire-tight tension building consistently over the course of the film, until it reaches a neck-snapping breaking point during the last act.

Unfortunately, the momentum here is broken up too much by awkward and oftentimes bland dialogue. Besides a selection of truly spine-tingling conversations between the main character and the movie's crazy-go-nuts antagonist, verbal interaction is pretty forgettable throughout. Tack on a generous helping of head-explodingly-bad logic from the characters we're supposed to be rooting for (a long-lived tradition in horror/thrillers that apparently must be upheld), and I have to drive the score of "The Caller" way down. It's a shame, because overall it's a decent flick, and could've benefited from some better writing. Regardless, it's fresh enough to be worth at least a single viewing. If not, you can always call yourself in the past and prevent yourself from watching it. Or something.

Rating (out of 5): 3

Brian's Review - The Legend of Lucy Keyes

A legend not worth retelling.

Released: 2006
Genre(s): Drama, Mystery, Thriller, Horror

Every now and then I play Netflix Russian roulette, where I pick a movie at random and pray to the ancient gods of old that it ends up being good. I'd say about half the movies I find are decent, with the other half causing me to hemorrhage intensely and/or uppercut random objects in a blind fury. Unfortunately for myself, my possessions, and my loved ones, "The Legend of Lucy Keyes" was the exact type of brain-meltingly horrendous concoction that normally causes said uppercutting marathons. Sweet bags of kettle corn, is this film bad.

Let me start off by saying that Netflix needs to get its shit together. Not only did they categorize this movie as a "horror," but they also used the super-creepy version of the poster featuring a little ghost girl (and nothing is scarier than undead children). This is outrageously misleading, and I say shame on Netflix for betraying my trust. Sure, the film features its fair share of otherworldly spooks looming out of the mist to shriek at the protagonists, but in reality this is a drama. And I don't mean "The King's Speech"-caliber drama; no, I mean gut-wrenching, contrived, brain-numbing, overacted, poorly-scripted drama. This movie did really well on Lifetime, and no offense to anybody who enjoys a good "mom and daughter bonding over cancer/death/underage pregnancy in the family" cry fest, but I can see why. Despite being made in 2006, everything from the credits to the music to the filter used on the camera has that special (read: cheesy) 1980's quality to it - and the acting is no exception.

This is about as scary as a reading of "Goodnight Moon" (which means it's significantly less scary than people who shop at Walmart), without any semblance of real suspense or thrills, and a pace that would make a nursing home look like a fraternity house during the weekend. There's a part or two where a half-assed attempt to "creep out the audience" occurs, but every time I started to grip my seat in anticipation, the film reminded me of what it really was, and lost all momentum abruptly. The worst part of this carrot-and-stick approach is that once the "big reveal" of the movie finally comes to light, it's impossible to justify the immense amount of mental pain the story and bad acting doled out beforehand.

So let's go over this again, shall we? Production: bad. Acting: bad. Music: bad (unless you're really into generic synthesizer riffs). Plot: stupid (despite the claim that this is based on a true story). Overall, this is one of those films where nothing could have gone worse for it (or the audience viewing it). It's rare that I stumble across something so completely devoid of redeeming characteristics that I have to smack it with the lowest of low scores, but "The Legend of Lucy Keyes" is epic in its shittiness. Unless you have a soft spot (and I mean a very soft spot) for the corniest of movies, I can almost guarantee that this is not going to be for you. In keeping with my Russian roulette reference from before, this is an effing bullet to the head.

Rating (out of 5): 1

Brian's Review - S. Darko

If you can, time travel far away from this sequel.

Released: 2009
Genre(s): Drama, Mystery, Sci-Fi

As many of you know from the review I posted back in June, I wasn't quite as swept up into the hype of "Donnie Darko" as many of the movie's staunchest supporters (let's call them "cult members") have been. Granted, I can't deny the film's appeal - the genre mash-up of psychological thriller, science-fiction, and even the trappings of teen drama make it a wickedly-delightful experience, definitely warranting at least one viewing. But obsessive fanaticism? No.

So why is it that eight years later a movie claiming to be its sequel inexplicably popped into existence like a plane engine suddenly appearing above a suburban house? And the director of said sequel wasn't Richard Kelly, the director of the first "Darko" entry? I have no answers. Neither does Richard Kelly, it seems, who insists he and his company did not and will not have anything to do with any "Donnie Darko" sequels, which includes "S. Darko," a slopfest of a follow-up to the 2001 hit.

While it's clear that there's a lot of love for the original infused into this film, there's actually an overabundance of it: not only do some of the events in "S. Darko" pay homage to the first movie, but many of them are simply carbon copies or cheap imitations of iconic scenes. The concepts from "Donnie Darko" that have been duplicated here lack the soul and spine-chilling heaviness that pervaded throughout the original film. It's unfortunate how hollow these images play out once devoid of all unique flair and purpose.

I mean, sure, the effects are passable, and some moments even get a little creepy. Hell, even the acting isn't horrendous (in fact, the characters are so good at playing completely clueless douchebags that you're fine when misfortune befalls them). But with the story lacking substance and with plot holes the size of Utah's Mormon population, this is an undeniably ugly attempt at continuing the pedigree. Really, the most impressive thing "S. Darko" has going for it is that Daveigh Chase, who plays the main character here, reprises her role from "Donnie Darko" despite a massive time gap. I guess "impressive" is the wrong word; it's more "mildly noteworthy" or "outrageously average" than anything else.

This is the type of sequel that makes me ball up in frustration and it messes up my digestion and everything. I know movie studios like the "cheap and easy" approach, but chopping up a fan favorite and bastardizing its name to create quick cash is a technique that wears thin on me. Maybe I'm just too old-fashioned. Regardless, I think a line the sheriff says early on in "S. Darko" sums up this craptacular effort quite nicely: "Big, ol' horseshit from the sky, if you ask me." Well said, sheriff; well said.

Rating (out of 5): 2

Brian's Review - Unknown (2011)

Knowing doesn't make this any less forgettable.

Released: 2011
Genre(s): Action, Mystery, Thriller

What was it about 2008's "Taken" that made it so entertaining and watchable? For me, it was the fast-paced, vicious action that culminated into one hell of a revenge flick; it was a movie that didn't try to hide itself behind smoke and mirrors, but embraced the fact that it was nothing more than a hyper-violent, trigger-happy power fantasy. Due to this, my reaction to the idea of another action-thriller starring Liam Neeson was naturally a positive one. While the premise of "Unknown" seems to have more in common with films like "Memento" than "Taken," the psychological thrills here are far less twisty and turny than similar entries into the genre: during this movie's entirety, save for a few choice moments, I couldn't help but feel like I'd seen this all before, and it wasn't a beaten path that served up much excitement beyond the by-the-numbers chase scenes of its predecessors. I'm in full support of the willing suspension of disbelief when watching a film, but the events here become increasingly disparaging as the mound of improbabilities relentlessly grows to gargantuan proportions. The action sequences are enjoyable enough, in that "stock footage" sort of way, but they're hampered by a start-stop dynamic that far too frequently rears its ugly head. This would be fine if there was any sort of mind-blowing reveal after all this slow burn pacing, but the ending feels so underwhelming and rushed that it leaves the screen as a generic anticlimax, instead of the sum of all its available parts. It's not bad, but you can rest assured that nobody will chastise you for letting this movie disappear into the unknown.

Rating (out of 5): 2.5

Brian's Review - Donnie Darko

Why are you wearing that stupid cult film suit?

Released: 2001
Genre(s): Drama, Mystery, Sci-Fi

Since its release in 2001, "Donnie Darko" has become one of the most recognized cult films of this century. Describing its following as "rabid" would be an understatement. While I can't agree with the die-hards who claim this is "the greatest movie of all time," I can acknowledge the mass appeal of this bizarre and macabre tale. The film includes blatant influences from horrors, psychological thrillers, science-fictions, comic books/graphic novels, and even coming-of-age teen dramas, and manages to effectively blend all these elements into a stylish and easily-digestible concoction. The plot plays around with dueling dynamics, ricocheting between the dark suggestions of Donnie's twisted visions to wildly-humorous social commentary that scrutinizes suburban American brainwashing in a manner that remains pertinent today. The visuals and atmosphere combine to create an incredibly bleak movie, growing uncomfortably heavy at times, but never becoming unbearable. Unfortunately, despite its wide range of inspirations and delightfully-disturbing outlook, the pacing is sometimes so uneven and disjointed that the film occasionally feels like a sloppy, meandering cluster of ideas without any focus. While it's undeniably enjoyable to watch Jake Gyllenhaal's character undergo what is easily one of the strangest stories of an angst-ridden teenager trying to find himself, the sci-fi-lite bones this film boasts of lack any true staying power, and the ultimate resolution of this tale, while mildly-profound and thought-provoking, hardly counts as genius. No doubt, "Donnie Darko" is a must-see movie, but its far from the very top of the list.

Rating (out of 5): 3.5

Brian's Review - Professor Layton and the Eternal Diva

The age-old mystery of how to create a good video game movie has been solved.

Released: 2009
Genre(s): Animation, Adventure, Mystery

For years, the thought of films based on video games made audiences and critics alike cringe, hide under their covers, and even cry in a combination of depression and terror; honestly, with movies like 1993's "Super Mario Bros." and every Uwe Boll production ever made being the most prominent examples out there, it's no wonder the idea became an industry joke. Hollywood has a strange obsession with dismantling awesomely epic video game storylines and reassembling them as cruel, laboratory experiments made up of various blockbuster clichés, barely resembling shadows of their former selves. Fortunately, every now and then, a film escapes directly from the shores of Japan and manages to make its way to our theaters and DVD players relatively unscathed, restoring my faith ever-so-slightly in the belief that someday a video game movie will have the power and depth to transcend the embarrassing stigma currently plaguing the genre. "Professor Layton and the Eternal Diva" is one such film. I'm a huge fan of the Nintendo DS-based puzzle game series under the Professor Layton title, and I was delighted to learn that the legendary studio Level-5 decided to create an original, feature-length anime adventure starring its enchanting characters, free of their gaming system confines; the games already contain beautifully-animated cutscenes, hilarious voicework, and whimsical plots that I've always felt would translate perfectly onto the silver screen. This movie does not disappoint - the animation is gorgeous, lush, and alive, drawing on a luscious color palette, giving the entire presentation a light, cheerful feel. CGI effects are tastefully integrated into the animation, seamlessly enhancing the onscreen excitement. The dubbing is eloquent and expertly executed, while the musical score is just as delightfully playful as it is in the games, bringing to mind thoughts of quaint, European countrysides and windup jewelry boxes. The puzzles - a staple of the game series - are cleverly and effortlessly worked into the mystery of the story, without feeling forced whatsoever. Just like the Professor Layton games upon which it is based, the light-hearted outward appearance of this movie masks much deeper, thought-provoking subject matter, frequently focusing on darker themes, including human mortality and the many gray areas of morality. While not a true masterpiece, it's nice to see that a film finally got the formula right: "Professor Layton and the Eternal Diva" could have been one hell of a fun video game, but instead manages to be one hell of a great video game film.

Rating (out of 5): 4

Brian's Review - Head Trauma

This film only exhibits some of the symptoms.

Released: 2006
Genre(s): Horror, Mystery, Thriller

The "slow burn" is almost a lost art form in movies these days - so many people want their action immediate and explosive, and their horror gory and full of gratuitous shock value. Audiences seem to want to pay their eight dollars, have their eyeballs seared out of their heads for an hour and a half, and then leave the theater, without having to reflect on any pesky storylines or ambiguous plot developments. I'm sometimes part of this crowd, using movies as a way of shutting down my brain completely and feasting ravenously on visual spectacle. However, every now and then I like when a film engages me on a mental level, intellectually pushing my mind to solve a mad mystery before the time-released answer is revealed. "Head Trauma" is one such movie in a lot of ways, bombarding the viewer's senses with enigmatic and unsettling images, without offering immediate explanation, and letting the story unhurriedly unfold segment by segment over the duration of the film. Initially, these sequences seem crude and sluggish, only occasionally being broken up by a quick scene of a startling spook or a violent flashback. While this might grate on the nerves of some, the majority of these pieces have an ultimate purpose, and the intriguing story aspect far outweighs the confusion that follows in the wake of most of them. Eventually, the deliberate pacing of this formula comes to a head, and the plot forces us to face a disturbing truth. Unfortunately, the calculated gait that serves this movie so well is a double-edged sword in some respects: while the slow buildup undeniably enables the atmosphere and uncertainty to add to the sheer creepiness factor here, it also may allow many viewers to guess the "surprise" twist the film so carefully tries to ration out in precise doses over its entirety. I wouldn't go as far as calling it a "plodding" storyline, but it certainly lacks any real urgency; it would've been nice to see the speed of the movie start to snowball as more and more details were revealed and the pieces of the puzzle started to snap together. "Head Trauma" isn't going to be for everyone, with a heavy reliance on plot instability and obscurity, unfolding at the rate of a slow march. Those who aren't driven away by this idea will love the surprising effectiveness of this technique, and how easily it blends surreal elements into a haunting ghost story that will both chill and amuse.

Rating (out of 5): 3

Brian's Review - Winter's Bone

Film noir for the discerning redneck.

Released: 2010
Genre(s): Drama, Mystery, Thriller

Movies are, at their very deepest cores, art forms, epic poems, and psychologically-layered character studies rolled into single, quickly-digestible visual feasts. Oftentimes, when a film lacks these crucial ingredients that allow it to truly tell a story, directors try to get our attention by cramming in high-octane action sequences and overblown special effects, pulling the focus towards the onscreen eye candy, and away from the plot or characters. "Winter's Bone" does not fall into this lazy habit, rather bringing all of the focus onto the characters, how they interact within a barren setting, and how these elements alone have the ability to drive some wickedly pointed and potent storytelling. The movie makes its home in the socially-isolated, poverty-ridden Ozarks, and the utter, almost grayscale bleakness of this setting consumes everything it touches, quickly establishing the tone for this bitter, backwater drama. While relatively slow-moving in its presentation, "Winter's Bone" doesn't plod, but rather ponders and becomes thoughtful, as its colorful, yet eerily-realistic, cast of characters weaves in and out of the chilling tapestry of a story that can only be referred to as "redneck noir." In sharp contrast to the sparse, desolate, decrepit scenery, every actor here makes their role feel lived-in: the people that inhabit this tale feel incredibly convincing, at times tense and passionately staunch about their personal and social codes, at others dark, grim, and ragged from a world that has hardened their resolution into diamond, while simultaneously draining them of all hope. These people will chill you to your core - if not from the actors' uncanny representations, then from the unsettling way that the townsfolk adhere to a morally-gray ideal of honor. "Winter's Bone" is unafraid to cast an unblinking eye on the gritty underbelly of Americana, and while some may find the quest of its teenage protagonist more disturbing than others, most will be able to see the ordeal as a truly extraordinary example of human willpower shining in the darkest of places. This is as good as American suspense gets, without the need for car chases or government conspiracies.

Rating (out of 5): 4

Brian's Review - Doubt (2008)

An excellent film, without a doubt.

Released: 2008
Genre(s): Drama, Mystery

Very rarely does a film manage to make me physically shudder in complete awe. Even rarer are the films that don't fall back on gigantic, jaw-dropping set pieces, or soaring, melancholy musical scores, or the tragic, heart-rending death of an admirable character or relationship to cause this reaction. "Doubt" manages to forego all extraneous movie gimmicks, instead focusing on what all films should emphasize: the acting. Adapted from a 2004 stage play, this movie effectively brings theatre to the screen. There are plenty of opportunities for the all-star cast to shine here, as they work with a script full of so many profound ideas and emotionally-charged confrontations that those normally not interested in dialogue-driven pictures may find some very real interest in this film, as it truly showcases some of the best head-to-head verbal standoffs I've seen in ages. All the actors do a superb job with their parts, but it is Meryl Streep in particular who is able to bring a certain electrically-charged, onscreen ferocity that seems to infect and enhance the acting of her supporting cast members. The power of her final words and mannerisms during the last thirty seconds of this movie gave me goosebumps so pronounced that it looked like I had been bathing in ice water for hours - and, in this case, this is a very, very good thing. Thematically, the mystery within "Doubt" is not only enjoyable and engrossing, but also deeply-unsettling, with enough piercing conviction to leave you wondering for days after the film ends. It's nice to see a film that doesn't get bogged down with overly-elaborate storylines, but rather allows its actors to do what they are paid to do, and in this case, they all prove they're absolute professionals. If you're willing to put the over-the-top Hollywood effects on the back burner for an evening, "Doubt" packs enough explosive acting dynamite into its duration to be worthy of at least one view for anyone who enjoys movies and at least five for anyone who appreciates the art of theatre.

Rating (out of 5): 4.5

Brian's Review - Dream House (2011)

A house boring enough to put you in Dreamland.

Released: 2011
Genre(s): Thriller, Mystery, Drama

If you ever saw a commercial/preview/poster for "Dream House," you probably thought the same thing I did: "Awesome! A horror/thriller movie where James Bond (Daniel Craig) gets to battle a haunted house!" This misleading marketing is unfortunately a huge reason that this movie failed so hard in theaters, with people hoping to see a ghost story horror, but instead getting a tired, uninspired, supernatural/psychological thriller hybrid. The premise itself - while feeling somewhat underdeveloped and recycled - isn't a horrible one, and there are enough twists here to keep things at least mildly interesting. Unfortunately, said twists are so excessively telegraphed that they come off as both predictable and painfully forced; plot developments like these should pack more of a punch, instead of coming off as weak and ham-fisted. Not everything is bad here though: the cinematography is stylized and focused, the acting is decent enough (with Craig at the helm of a competent supporting cast), and the film really does build tension quite nicely. It's a terrible shame that the execution of this movie is so poor, especially late in the film where the storyline gets significantly more engaging; instead of playing off of the intense atmosphere, the momentum grinds to a halt, the plot twists become overly-simplified, and melodrama raises its ugly head ever-so-slightly above the murky surface. This movie has potential, but collapses under its own weighted expectations, sadly failing to deliver on the excitement it promises. However, if you're looking for a mild, easily-digestible thriller, this might just be the dream you've been waiting to have.

Rating (out of 5): 2.5

Brian's Review - L.A. Confidential

L.A. Awesome.

Released: 1997
Genre(s): Mystery, Drama, Action

"L.A. Confidential" plays out like an old-school noir, but also manages to harness a timeless feel, through its utilization of cynical wit, brooding characters, and explosive action. The storyline spirals wildly from one conspiracy-laden plot element to another, and the end result is thoroughly enjoyable. The acting is well-done, the characters coming across as believably hard-boiled, but flawed and human enough to make you really grit your teeth and root for them during the various action sequences. This isn't just a great detective movie, and isn't just a great thriller - it's a great film, and should be enjoyed as an immensely well-told story by all.

Rating (out of 5): 4.5

Brian's Review - I Can See You

I can see you...not ever wanting to see this again.

Released: 2008
Genre(s): Thriller, Mystery

Very rarely do I watch a movie and immediately wish I could unsee it. Very rarely do I watch a movie and immediately wish I had a time machine to warp to a time period where said movie does not exist. These thoughts were immediately evoked not only at the conclusion of "I Can See You," but at various points throughout its duration. Bringing a whole new level of artsy nonsense to the world of indie thrillers, "I Can See You" finds the most thoroughly illogical imagery and symbolism available and rolls around in it until completely coated. Calling it a "thriller" at all is a bit misleading as well, as most of this movie attempts to build suspense simply by splicing random images into slow, plodding scenes that serve as nothing more than empty vehicles for said random images. Character development doesn't exist on any level here, so actually caring about what the characters are doing or saying becomes completely unnecessary. Dialogue is wooden, dry, and hollow - the characters' reactions to each other are so stiff and unrealistic that this plays out more like an amateur college film project than anything else. Is it different? Yes. Is it good? Incredibly debatable, but my answer lands on a solid "No." While I'm sure the director/writer had some sort of symbolic, hidden message in this Gulf-oil-spill of a movie, the whole experience feels like it's just trying too damn hard to push itself outside of people's comfort zones - David Lynch this is most certainly not. If you're a big fan of abrasive, atonal music cropping up at random times, then you may be able to find some sort of enjoyment out of this experience. As an added bonus for any idiots who only watch thriller-type movies for potential nudity and gore, there are two shots of a woman's breasts and two instances of mild gore here. Everyone else can avoid this like the blackest of black plagues.

Rating (out of 5): 1

Brian's Review - Black Swan

This is one dance you don't want to miss.

Released: 2010
Genre(s): Thriller, Mystery, Drama

“Black Swan” is equal parts disturbing and mesmerizing, a rubber-necker's dream come true – like a car crash or an explosion, it manages to captivate the morbid-curiosity of all within range. A familiar tale (for those who know of ballet's “Swan Lake”), punctuated by a relentless feeling of dread and despair. The menacing overtone of the movie is almost overwhelming at times, like a throbbing headache, or an upset stomach, which kept me at the edge of my seat for the entire duration. Watching this film, I found myself always expecting the worst – scare-factor and gore-wise – a technique Darren Aronofsky utilizes perfectly. Brief moments of relief pepper the frantic and unnerving plot, only to set up the viewer for another startling and twisted shift in tone; it is this push-pull dynamic that makes “Black Swan” so hypnotizing. A haunting musical score, and stellar acting ensemble, led by an amazingly believable Natalie Portman, round out this film brilliantly. Overall, an incredibly unsettling experience, “Black Swan” manages to sink straight into your bones, and is as hard to shake as a bad dream – although I doubt you'll want to (or be able to) sleep through this one.

Rating (out of 5): 5

Brian's Review - The Baby's Room

Not actually about babies.

Released: 2006
Genre(s): Horror, Thriller, Mystery

From the Spanish collection "6 Films to Keep You Awake" (think the Spanish version of "After Dark Horrorfest's 8 Films to Die For" series of movies), "The Baby's Room" focuses more on genuine, spine-chilling creep factor than big budget effects. This movie proves to be an enjoyable and tense look at a family man's quest to keep his loved ones safe from a sinister force threatening them. The movie keeps you guessing whether the nightmare he faces is all in his head, otherworldly haunts, or something else entirely. While the movie is completely in Spanish, the subtitles take little, if anything, anyway from the sheer terror the protagonist grapples with. A heavy, yet anxious atmosphere keeps this one interesting all the way through the final moments. For those of you who were fans of "Insidious," I highly recommend checking out this one.

Rating (out of 5): 4

Brian's Review - The Perfume of the Lady in Black

This one smells a little outdated.

Released: 1974
Genre(s): Horror, Thriller, Mystery

"The Perfume of the Lady in Black" (original Italian title: "Il profumo della signora in nero") is a shining example of the typical '70s Italian horror/thriller - cerebral madness, oftentimes bordering on complete nonsense, with a hint of murder/mystery conspiracy thrown in for good measure. While some of these movies are entertainingly wild and undeniably creepy entries into the horror genre (i.e. "Suspiria"), many of them are too sluggish and dry to be enjoyed by those who are seeking "true" terror. "The Perfume of the Lady in Black" falls into the latter category, spending more time being awkward than it does being terrifying. That's not to say that it doesn't have a fair amount of heavy atmosphere - there are some truly disturbing scenes here that create a tension that's almost palpable at times. However, it's during these scenes that the film completely underwhelms. As much as I appreciate keeping some things ambiguous in a horror movie to make them more menacing, the events in this movie are just too random to be frightened by. While an effective dark tone is set early on and maintains throughout the entire film, the lack of real scares makes it hard for me to recommend this to anyone but the most hardcore of '70s Italian horror/thriller fans.

Rating (out of 5): 2