More of a hell than an afterlife.
Released: 2008
Genre(s): Horror, Thriller
Every now and then I get possessed by a masochist and decide to burn my eyeballs out of my skull with the worst movie I can possibly find. Fortunately for you, you can just read my review and spare yourself from the suffering that is "Pulse 2: Afterlife," a direct-to-video sequel to a remake of an actually scary Japanese film. Except unlike said Japanese film, "Pulse 2: Afterlife" completely lacks any sort of finesse, subtlety, or intelligence. Grab some toilet paper, because this is the cinematic version of dysentery.
When it comes to cinematography, this movie is about as interesting as a saltine cracker. Not only do the setups lack the ability to generate any sort of suspense, but almost every shot makes the actors look like they're superimposed into a washed-out, CGI world. Maybe it was just the work of an overzealous effects magician during post-production, or maybe everything really was shot in front of a green screen, but regardless of the excuse, "Pulse 2: Afterlife" is an over-doctored Frankensteinian abomination.
The characters themselves are extremely unlikable, repeatedly making idiotic and frustrating decisions that are not only ridiculous, but unrealistic as well. The actors play their parts with all the gusto of a pack of sleeping three-toed sloths, feigned fear occasionally bubbling to the surface like farts in a tub. Good gravy, is this bad stuff, and it makes it impossible to sympathize with any of the characters' plights.
Even the scares here are poorly done: since there's no creepy atmosphere, the movie falls back far too often on the ever-clichéd tactic of the jump-scare. And what an ugly tactic it is. These "scares" are so ham-fisted and predictable that they end up being positively yawn-inducing. Easily my favorite scene is one where the characters face-off against an idle laptop that is supposedly "dangerous"; the scenario is so preposterous and stupid that I would've laughed out loud...if I hadn't been groaning already. Everything that is meant to create a feeling of hopelessness in us ends up just breeding frustration, and it doesn't help that the movie plods along with all the purpose of diarrhea-flavored chewing gum.
The only thing that "Pulse 2: Afterlife" does even mildly well (besides causing brain aneurysms) is in its portrayal of the detrimental effects the apocalyptic setting has on the protagonist's family. The stress even causes a child to get slapped in one scene, and that's exactly how you'll feel while watching this film: like an abused, helpless child, and as one, you'll never be able to commit an act as atrocious as this movie will commit unto you. Avoid at all costs.
Rating (out of 5): 1
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