Brian's Review - Sanctum

Like an underwater caving expedition, this movie is dark, dingy, and disappointingly damp.

Released: 2011
Genre(s): Adventure, Drama, Thriller

Outside of the horror genre, it's not often that I find myself feeling absolutely no remorse for the cast of characters as they undergo terrible and deadly tragedy. Even less common are situations that cause me to actively root for the deaths of the protagonists, if only so the movie will end sooner. "Sanctum" is one such film, coming off not only as a shallow and clumsy offering into the world of adventure-thrillers, but a frustrating one as well.

The plot of the movie is interesting enough: there's an underwater cave, there are some underwater cave divers, things go horribly wrong, and everything turns into the least fun season of "Survivor" ever. Well, not as bad as "Survivor," but things get pretty damn lame very quickly, despite the film's inexcusably dreadful pacing.

This slug race urgency mainly stems from the painfully slow progress the characters themselves make on their journey. These same characters also make it absolutely impossible to sympathize with their plight, coming off as overwhelmingly stupid and irritating.

The main female character in the crew manages to make a bad name for women in disaster-style situations, not only coming off as obnoxiously moronic, but also as an overly-stubborn dumbass. While I'm all about women standing their ground, especially in as widely-digested media as movies, I can't help but feel that this character was intentionally more brainless than the others. That's not to say that the writers are completely misogynistic douchebags though - there is still a good chance that they're just inexcusably awful at writing. Unfortunately, the actress doesn't help her case at all, coming off as unintentionally awkward and wooden. Also, why the hell does it sound like she's attempting to do a Sigourney Weaver from "Alien" impression during most of her scenes?

There's simply no other way to describe the young male protagonist except as a "punchable little shit" - I'm not sure if the writers wanted to make his character come across as a completely generic, whiny, ungrateful turd in this toilet bowl of a film, but even once he manages to reconcile his angsty feelings with his father, the relationship that develops between the two feels so artificial that you could pack it into an Easy Cheese canister and nobody would be able to tell the difference. The amount of tearjerking potential here is on the same level as a pigeon crapping on your windshield; unless you're having a really, really, really bad day (i.e. your dad and you just got trapped in an underwater cave), then you probably won't need the tissue box for this one.

But maybe you will, because after all, this is a James Cameron flick. So maybe if you cried during "Titanic" or "Avatar" or one of his other cornball cinematic ventures, you'll shed a tear or two. But let's not give him too much credit for this epic amount of cheese and overwrought emotion - after all, he only co-produced "Sanctum" - although I'm willing to wager that this inept attempt to create a movie that's truly "moving" and "redemptive" in quality may have attracted him a little, like a moth to the most garish of flames. Fortunately, Mr. Cameron redeems himself somewhat by giving us some beautiful underwater eye candy to ogle from time to time, despite occasionally slipping into some minor CGI-ugliness.

While "Sanctum" is a good idea in theory, none of the pieces are in place to make this an effective film: the acting is unconvincing, the dialogue is dry, the action is snore-worthy, and the one or two genuinely suspenseful scenes are completely overshadowed by the suffocating cloud of crap pervading throughout. Unless you're fanatically into caving, diving, or bad movies, this can be avoided like a bullet between the eyes. It's unfortunate, but the bad writing here sinks "Sanctum" and leaves it to rot at the bottom of an underwater abyss. Honestly, that's where you should let it stay.

Rating (out of 5): 2