Brian's Review - The Hangover Part II

Grab some aspirin and black coffee for this one.

Released: 2011
Genre(s): Comedy

2009 brought us the original "The Hangover" - a rip-roaring romp through the seediest venues in Las Vegas, starring a pack of physically and morally-dehydrated (yet lovable) idiots attempting to piece a drunken and drugged night of unbridled debauchery back together. Insanity ensued. Laughter was had. Then a sequel was announced and the world held its breath with anticipation for what surely had to be a second, side-splitting comedy tour de force.

Alas. Those were simpler, more innocent times. Times before recycled jokes and scenarios were thrown about all willy-nilly in an uninspired attempt to cash in on the success of the first film. Times before full-frontal nudity seared my eyeballs at every turn. Times before...well, that last one was pretty bad; we'll leave it at that.

That's not to say that "The Hangover Part II" is a bad movie. In fact, there are plenty of laugh-out-loud moments and one-liners that were just as, if not more genius than the first flick. The comedy stylings of Zach Galifianakis and Ken Jeong are particularly potent here, playing up the already outrageous characters they portrayed in the original. Everyone else comfortably slips back into their archetypes with ease, rounding out a solid cast with some serious laugh-generating potential. So why does this movie not hit like the first entry did?

For one, almost everything here is a reheated leftover from the preceding film - some scenes are shameless replicas of the first movie, almost shot-for-shot - and while this was delicious the first time around, nobody likes soggy french fries. Unfortunately, this blandness permeates throughout the entire film, weakly imitating some of the best jokes from the original.

Second, where was the acting here? I know it's a comedy with the primary focus of bathing in smut, but part of selling comedy is making it at least a little bit human or relatable. With the exception of Ed Helms, nobody seems to actually react to the fact that mind-boggling shit is going down for a second time. Nobody (once again, excluding Helms) gets overly pissed off. Nobody freaks out. Everybody kind of just takes it as it is and shrugs it all off, especially during the rushed and feeble ending scenes.

Third, where's the story? Whereas the first movie had the protagonists stumbling upon delightful situation after delightful situation (which did a great job of fleshing out interpersonal relationships and backstories), we're left knowing next to nothing about what actually happened during this most outrageous journey. With such a radically different setting to work with, it's a wonder why this wasn't capitalized on more. Instead, all we get are a bunch of shots of wieners.

And that brings us to our fourth point: shock factor. I'm all for it, when used in moderation, but to completely replace the plot with gross/weird-out moments is purely amateur. It grabs a couple of laughs here and there, but overall this darker take on humor actually hits with far less comedic impact than it should. And that's because it's repeatedly beaten into the fabric of this film. With a penis.

It may seem like I panned the eff out of this flick (my writing kind of did), but I want to make sure everyone knows that I didn't hate "The Hangover Part II"; rather, I was just very disappointed. The last movie was a delicious, well-seasoned steak. I came back to the same restaurant, ordered the same thing as last time, and was served this film: a Steak-Umm with ketchup on it. It serves up a decent helping of funny moments, but overall it's incredibly underwhelming, and for that I have to drop it down to a score of "meh." Let's hope that the next "The Hangover" movie comes back a bit less hungover.

Rating (out of 5): 2.5

Brian's Review - S. Darko

If you can, time travel far away from this sequel.

Released: 2009
Genre(s): Drama, Mystery, Sci-Fi

As many of you know from the review I posted back in June, I wasn't quite as swept up into the hype of "Donnie Darko" as many of the movie's staunchest supporters (let's call them "cult members") have been. Granted, I can't deny the film's appeal - the genre mash-up of psychological thriller, science-fiction, and even the trappings of teen drama make it a wickedly-delightful experience, definitely warranting at least one viewing. But obsessive fanaticism? No.

So why is it that eight years later a movie claiming to be its sequel inexplicably popped into existence like a plane engine suddenly appearing above a suburban house? And the director of said sequel wasn't Richard Kelly, the director of the first "Darko" entry? I have no answers. Neither does Richard Kelly, it seems, who insists he and his company did not and will not have anything to do with any "Donnie Darko" sequels, which includes "S. Darko," a slopfest of a follow-up to the 2001 hit.

While it's clear that there's a lot of love for the original infused into this film, there's actually an overabundance of it: not only do some of the events in "S. Darko" pay homage to the first movie, but many of them are simply carbon copies or cheap imitations of iconic scenes. The concepts from "Donnie Darko" that have been duplicated here lack the soul and spine-chilling heaviness that pervaded throughout the original film. It's unfortunate how hollow these images play out once devoid of all unique flair and purpose.

I mean, sure, the effects are passable, and some moments even get a little creepy. Hell, even the acting isn't horrendous (in fact, the characters are so good at playing completely clueless douchebags that you're fine when misfortune befalls them). But with the story lacking substance and with plot holes the size of Utah's Mormon population, this is an undeniably ugly attempt at continuing the pedigree. Really, the most impressive thing "S. Darko" has going for it is that Daveigh Chase, who plays the main character here, reprises her role from "Donnie Darko" despite a massive time gap. I guess "impressive" is the wrong word; it's more "mildly noteworthy" or "outrageously average" than anything else.

This is the type of sequel that makes me ball up in frustration and it messes up my digestion and everything. I know movie studios like the "cheap and easy" approach, but chopping up a fan favorite and bastardizing its name to create quick cash is a technique that wears thin on me. Maybe I'm just too old-fashioned. Regardless, I think a line the sheriff says early on in "S. Darko" sums up this craptacular effort quite nicely: "Big, ol' horseshit from the sky, if you ask me." Well said, sheriff; well said.

Rating (out of 5): 2

Brian's Review - Pulse 2: Afterlife

More of a hell than an afterlife.

Released: 2008
Genre(s): Horror, Thriller

Every now and then I get possessed by a masochist and decide to burn my eyeballs out of my skull with the worst movie I can possibly find. Fortunately for you, you can just read my review and spare yourself from the suffering that is "Pulse 2: Afterlife," a direct-to-video sequel to a remake of an actually scary Japanese film. Except unlike said Japanese film, "Pulse 2: Afterlife" completely lacks any sort of finesse, subtlety, or intelligence. Grab some toilet paper, because this is the cinematic version of dysentery.

When it comes to cinematography, this movie is about as interesting as a saltine cracker. Not only do the setups lack the ability to generate any sort of suspense, but almost every shot makes the actors look like they're superimposed into a washed-out, CGI world. Maybe it was just the work of an overzealous effects magician during post-production, or maybe everything really was shot in front of a green screen, but regardless of the excuse, "Pulse 2: Afterlife" is an over-doctored Frankensteinian abomination.

The characters themselves are extremely unlikable, repeatedly making idiotic and frustrating decisions that are not only ridiculous, but unrealistic as well. The actors play their parts with all the gusto of a pack of sleeping three-toed sloths, feigned fear occasionally bubbling to the surface like farts in a tub. Good gravy, is this bad stuff, and it makes it impossible to sympathize with any of the characters' plights.

Even the scares here are poorly done: since there's no creepy atmosphere, the movie falls back far too often on the ever-clichéd tactic of the jump-scare. And what an ugly tactic it is. These "scares" are so ham-fisted and predictable that they end up being positively yawn-inducing. Easily my favorite scene is one where the characters face-off against an idle laptop that is supposedly "dangerous"; the scenario is so preposterous and stupid that I would've laughed out loud...if I hadn't been groaning already. Everything that is meant to create a feeling of hopelessness in us ends up just breeding frustration, and it doesn't help that the movie plods along with all the purpose of diarrhea-flavored chewing gum.

The only thing that "Pulse 2: Afterlife" does even mildly well (besides causing brain aneurysms) is in its portrayal of the detrimental effects the apocalyptic setting has on the protagonist's family. The stress even causes a child to get slapped in one scene, and that's exactly how you'll feel while watching this film: like an abused, helpless child, and as one, you'll never be able to commit an act as atrocious as this movie will commit unto you. Avoid at all costs.

Rating (out of 5): 1

Brian's Review - Men in Black 3

A summer flick that's out of this world.

Released: 2012
Genre(s): Action, Comedy, Sci-Fi

Aliens. Laser blasters. A weird buddy comedy reminiscent of "Lethal Weapon" dressed up in black suits and sunglasses. After ten years of absence, it's the mother-effin' Men in Black, and if you were a fan of the first two films, "Men in Black 3" will tickle your fancy so hard you'll damn near piss yourself with delight. This is good, silly, alien-vaporizing fun, and it's very apparent that Will Smith, Tommy Lee Jones, and the entire supporting cast are having an absolute blast as they romp around time like a rugby team at an open bar. The most notable additions to the cast are Josh Brolin and Jemaine Clement, both of who show off their rather impressive acting chops, albeit from opposite ends of the personality spectrum. Brolin does a spot-on job portraying the younger version of Tommy Lee Jones' character, but transcends mere emulation - everything from Jones' voice inflection, mannerisms, and droll sense of humor comes across so convincingly that if you were blind, you might not be able to tell the two actors apart. Clement brings a wickedly-hilarious vibe to the sinister villain he plays (a skill he exemplified in "Rio" while playing a similar role); it's this same offbeat kookiness that made him such a hit on the show "The Flight of the Conchords." The adventure revels in wildly-entertaining action sequences, bolstered by special effects so unabashedly cartoony that audiences lucky enough to go see this movie in 3D will swear they're getting showered in gallons of exploding, CGI alien gore. The writing here is far from smart, but there are moments that the dialogue becomes so gut-bustingly funny that snacking during this film becomes a very real choking hazard. It's unfortunate that - like an untrained marathon runner, or an inexperienced college drinker - "Men in Black 3" starts off so strong that it cannot maintain its breakneck speed and stumbles into a weakened pace somewhere around the middle. It, however, does not waste this time completely, using these gaps in the action to do some surprisingly sincere and heartfelt character building. It's all a bit cheesy and a tad on the dramatic side, but it's a nice way to break up what is a normally vanilla formula comprised solely of over-the-top set pieces and effects-heavy silliness. But let's be honest, nobody is going to a "Men in Black" movie for the storyline: we're out for extraterrestrial blood and to see The Fresh Prince bickering with U.S Marshal Samuel Gerard, and "Men in Black 3" is more than glad and capable enough to serve up heaps and heaps of exactly what we want. It's not life-changing in any way, but it's such an enjoyable summer flick that I have no shame in admitting that I'll be first in line if there is ever a fourth installment - even if it takes another decade to make.

Rating (out of 5): 4

Brian's Review - Halloween II (1981)

Don't get into an improvised hot tub when Michael Myers is nearby.

Released: 1981
Genre(s): Horror, Thriller

John Carpenter proved with the first "Halloween" that sometimes the most effective horror movie antagonist doesn't need some convoluted backstory or even speaking lines, for that matter - all that's necessary is a big knife, the uncanny ability to show up suddenly where there are vulnerable people, and a blatant disregard for human life. Michael Myers serves up a second helping of terror with his return in "Halloween II," stalking a new set of unfortunate (and fairly clueless) victims, as well as a significantly less resourceful Jamie Lee Curtis. However, despite a larger budget than its predecessor, the thrills in this film feel a bit cheapened somehow: while the kills are significantly more creative, the build up before each fatality lacks the same palpable tension that made the first movie so unsettling. Michael Myers is still an imposing figure in a physical sense, but the atmosphere isn't as heavy this time around, making his onscreen presence seem somewhat less menacing. Regardless, the end product doesn't fail to provide some nail-bitingly creepy situations and there's no shortage of bloody carnage - this is your bread-and-butter slasher film, and while it's lost some of the insane, macabre momentum the first "Halloween" harnessed so completely, it still has the capacity to provide an enjoyable, fright-filled experience, whether you decide to view it on Halloween or Christmas morning.

Rating (out of 5): 3

Brian's Review - Ju-on: The Grudge 2

A good reason not to visit Japan.

Released: 2003
Genre(s): Horror, Thriller

With "Ju-on: The Grudge," horror fans were given a sinisterly bone-chilling haunted house story, complete with creepy, Japanese spooks crawling out of random shadows. However, the pacing of the first title lacked consistency, allowing the tension to build up nicely enough, only to drop off completely and without warning whenever a new "chapter" of the story decided to randomly interrupt the current scenario. While "Ju-on: The Grudge 2" returns to this vignette-driven formula, each segment feels more intact than those in the previous film: the plot doesn’t just suddenly jump away without first ensuring that your skin is crawling with the ferocity of an angry anthill. The menacing atmosphere seems to have more stamina in this iteration as well, rarely letting up, even when transitioning between scenes. The creep-out factor in this movie is ramped up significantly from the first, with the ghosts finding new, awful ways to terrorize their victims, which consequently means there’s more for the audience to bite their nails over. Even though everything feels very familiar in this film, the execution here is just so much more effective than in the first movie, making it a clear improvement over the original in almost every respect. This sequel is an incredibly unsettling thrill ride that will have fans of the first "Ju-on: The Grudge" feeling even more creeped out than before.

Rating (out of 5): 4

Brian's Review - The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor

Tomb of "The Mummy" series.

Released: 2008
Genre(s): Action, Adventure, Fantasy

The first two entries in "The Mummy" series are some of the most fun and exciting action-adventures ever crafted. Brendan Fraser romps through "The Mummy" and "The Mummy Returns" with an unreserved gusto and unbridled goofiness, enhancing the witty writing and explosive action sequences. Seven years after the the second film charmed and excited audiences, "The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor" randomly lurched into theaters in a half-assed attempt to squeeze a few more dollars out of a long-dead franchise. Despite the exciting addition of martial arts phenom Jet Li, the action in this third iteration feels cheapened by an excessive amount of special effects; and while the first two movies enjoyed their fair share of great effects work, the addition of computer-generated stunts and sequences in "The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor" doesn't augment the live-action scenes, but rather almost completely drowns them out. This is unfortunate, because the movie is more or less just one giant action scene, so audiences should be prepared to see plenty of CGI mumm-...well, everything. Ironically, the only reason this film wins any points at all is due to how great said special effects look. Beyond that, there's really not much else here: charming dialogue, engrossing plot elements, and any semblance of character development have all been shoved aside, with the vague hope that "The Mummy" name has enough pertinence to cause people to overlook such gigantic issues. Unfortunately, even Brendan Fraser seems to have lost interest in this series, with his normally endearing quips being replaced by a deadpan vacancy that makes even his undead foes seem very much alive. I'd only recommend this one if you're a die-hard fan of these movies, who absolutely must finish the series. Even then, if you ever have to admit to watching this, you might want to tell people you were at gunpoint.

Rating (out of 5): 1.5

Brian's Review - The Mummy Returns

Why do people keep waking up this guy?

Released: 2001
Genre(s): Action, Adventure, Fantasy

"The Mummy Returns" plunges audiences right back into the same type of wild, over-the-top, action-adventure romp established in the first movie of the series. The action here is a little more brutal than in the original, with hand-to-hand battle sequences showcasing some very fun fight choreography. While the story feels familiar in many respects, it still manages to unfold in a manner that keeps things fresh and entertaining. Unfortunately, emphasizing this action-heavy formula reduces the amount of time the film spends on genuinely developing the colorful cast of characters. True, the movie mimics its prequel in style as a tongue-in-cheek, one-liner-fueled quip fest - including a charming and playful chemistry between Brendan Fraser and Rachel Weisz - but the main focus of "The Mummy Returns" is action, serving as a showcase for special effects and fierce thrills. This isn't necessarily a bad thing, but those who felt the (somewhat corny) humor in the first movie really made it shine might be a bit disappointed. Regardless, the second movie in this action-adventure series clearly proves that it's worthy to stand tall next to its predecessor.

Rating (out of 5): 3