Brian's Review - Immortals

Immortally awful.

Released: 2011
Genre(s): Action, Adventure, Fantasy

If there's one movie that epitomizes the continually growing rift between thoughtful storytelling and overdone special effects in Hollywood, it's "Immortals" - this is a film that does nothing but unrelentingly shove CGI effects down the audience's throat in the desperate hope that no one will notice the movie's insane plethora of horrendous shortcomings. While I have nothing against special effects in general (in fact, I'm an avid fan of the effects-heavy "300," which shares some of the same producers as "Immortals"), using them simply as a means to distract viewers from a paper-thin plot, complete lack of character development, and undeniably mundane dialogue is nothing more than a cheap and crude movie-making tactic. Despite the fact that the story here supposedly uses Greek mythology as a loose source material, the script for this film feels like an elementary school creative writing project. Ironically, despite being childishly simplistic, the plot somehow manages to careen about clumsily, becoming confusingly stupid and nonsensical in its execution. The characters that are thrown into this disaster of a scenario are essentially cardboard cutouts: nobody has any real motive, nonchalantly and almost brainlessly going along for this underwhelming ride. "Immortals" attempts to sell the idea of an ultra-violent, gritty action-adventure in the spirit of "300," but fails both as an action film - with most scenes coming off as laughably-cheesy and cartoony - and as an adventure movie, being so boring that any episode of "Blue's Clues" feels far more epic and grand in scale. Director Tarsem Singh is renowned for his prowess at creating wildly-popular music videos and commercials - however, this skill apparently has translated a little too perfectly to the genesis of "Immortals," as I was only able to find about four minutes (or the length of a pop song) of enjoyable content throughout its entire duration. Top it all off with some of the dumbest fantasy costumes I've ever seen in movie history (unfortunately reminiscent of Lady Gaga's wardrobe), and you've got an obvious contender for 2011's worst film. Special effects without substance does not a movie make. Avoid this film like a cup of expired Greek yogurt.

Rating (out of 5): 1.5