Brian's Review - Masters of Horror: Cigarette Burns

The creepiest cigarette company ad ever.

Released: 2005
Genre(s): Horror, Thriller

Despite the misleading name, John Carpenter's Masters of Horror entry "Cigarette Burns" has nothing to do with smoking tobacco and a lot to do with the slang term referring to cue marks that appear on film reels. It also has a lot to do with a cursed movie that effs up people's lives, à la that creepy video from "The Ring," or the insanely disturbing 1920's silent short film "Un Chien Andalou" (which some may know for its famously grotesque scene of an eyeball being slit open with a straight razor). While the movie "Cigarette Burns" is unsettling in itself, this film within the film is almost like a living, breathing character with a far more important - and sinsiter - role than most of the human cast.

In typical Carpenter fashion, this movie plays up the slow burn, albeit at a bit of an accelerated pace, since it has to cram an entire plotline into a mere hour's timespan (after all, "Masters of Horror" is technically a television series). Unfortunately, with such a limited length, those precious moments that are eaten up by the movie dragging its ass seem all the more pointless. While the greatest scenes occur when the atmosphere is at its most foreboding and psychologically horrific, the in-between moments plod along and break up any sort of tension that could have been capitalized on. Carpenter, however, is a master of his craft, with experience allowing him to gather flesh-rending steam and enough momentum to barrel into this film's ultimately satisfying climax at full force.

I can't really say that I was blown away by this attempt: it's undeniably unnerving, but it doesn't have enough conviction behind it to make it truly scary. Still, it's one of the better acted (fan girls - and probably some boys too - will squeal with delight at the sight of Norman Reedus) and more unique concepts for "Masters of Horror," and not everything about the execution can be critiqued negatively. If you're looking for a good place to dive headfirst into the series from, then seek no more; John Carpenter will guide you the rest of the way.

Rating (out of 5): 3

Brian's Review - Masters of Horror: Incident On and Off a Mountain Road

A decent drive.

Released: 2005
Genre(s): Horror, Thriller

The "Masters of Horror" television series was created for Showtime by a collaboration of the horror/thriller industry's heaviest hitters. Occasionally enjoyable, sometimes frightening, and even good for a quick laugh now and then, the series embodied the quick and dirty style of modern horror/thriller offerings. While technically a television spot, in truth each "episode" was actually an hour long, made-for-TV movie. Because of this, I've decided to review each as an individual film.

"Incident On and Off a Mountain Road" is actually the first episode of the series, and was created by horror legend Don Coscarelli (known for such horror gems as the "Phantasm" series and "Bubba Ho-Tep"). The story is more or less a cookie-cutter survival-horror story about a young woman's attempts at evading and defeating a rather large, disfigured serial killer by the name of Moonface. There's a true sense of frantic anxiety during many of the chase sequences, but unfortunately any real terror is lost due to the frequent flashback sequences interjected between many of the action scenes. When the setting moves to Moonface's murder shack, a very unsettling - and morbidly comical - performance by the great Angus Scrimm increases the creepiness of the film. There's a somewhat unexpected twist thrown into the movie's plot as well that connects everything nicely, but this honestly didn't view as a typical Coscarelli film to me, and lacked the quality that made me love the "Phantasm" movies so much. Still, a great intro to the "Masters of Horror" series, and definitely worth a quick watch if you've got an hour to spare.

Rating (out of 5): 3