Brian's Review - Paranormal Activity 3

Paranormously creepy.

Released: 2011
Genre(s): Horror

It's no secret that I'm not a huge fan of the "found Handycam footage"-style of horror films - I've been known to place the people who buy into them in the same category as second grade dropouts and drunk hobos who claim they were probed by aliens. Regardless, I've found the "Paranormal Activity" series of movies a pleasant set of entries into the genre, specifically "Paranormal Activity 2" and this most recent iteration. "Paranormal Activity 3" serves as a prequel to the previous two movies in the collection, presenting further backstory to the very haunted and twisted lives of the films' main characters. Like the two films before it, "Paranormal Activity 3" gives us plenty of tense situations, slowly - yet effectively - building a hostile, creepy atmosphere and giving the viewer plenty of time to fear what goes bump in the night. There are enough edge-of-your-seat moments here to shake the soundest of resolutions, as the movie preys on the primal anxiety caused by a threat that remains unseen and is seemingly unstoppable. While there is a fairly-heavy reliance on cheap jump-scares, the only real issue I have with this third offering's fright-factor is it seems to (at least spiritually) recycle some of the tactics used to creep us out in the second film. Despite this, "Paranormal Activity 3" is a fun, creepy ride that really picks up steam close to the end, and should best be enjoyed with the lights off.

Rating (out of 5): 3

Brian's Review - The Mummy (1999)

This movie was resurrected with fun in mind.

Released: 1999
Genre(s): Action, Adventure, Fantasy

"The Mummy" is a remake very loosely based off of the 1932 film of the same name - sure, it's got an evil mummy trying to resurrect his dead lover and...well, that's about it. This movie plays out more like an Indiana Jones-style adventure movie than a classic horror, relying on sharp quips, brazen characters, and plenty of over-the-top action. While not deep, profound, or thought-provoking in the least, "The Mummy" manages to careen wildly from set piece to set piece in a manner that keeps things incredibly intense and, more importantly, fun. Brendan Fraser keeps things witty and primarily tongue-in-cheek - even when things get a little dark and twisted, there's still a comical, almost charming undertone holding the whole thing together. It might not be anything to write home about, but "The Mummy" manages to prevail as the exact type of movie it advertises itself as: a fierce, action-adventure romp through Egypt that knows how to serve up as many thrills as it does laughs.

Rating (out of 5): 3

Brian's Review - Equilibrium

Equilibrium: Feelings vs. Bullets.

Released: 2002
Genre(s): Action, Sci-Fi, Drama

Despite critics panning this movie like it was the devil himself, I have to side with most fans on this film: I found it pleasantly entertaining, deeply engaging, and surprisingly human. The special effects are sleek and sexy, the acting is appropriately moody and believable, the environments are dark and bleak, and the action is somehow simultaneously explosive and elegant. Story-wise, "Equilibrium" borrows heavily from dystopian works like "1984" and "Brave New World" - however, the characters in this story and the interactions they have with each other as they emotionally awaken allow this film to still set itself apart. The dramatic transformation of Christian Bale's character is only surpassed by the jaw-dropping, badass, bullet-ridden action sequences found throughout. While the plot isn't the deepest or most cerebral, it's still one hell of a fun ride. Fans of "The Matrix" will most definitely get a kick out of this one.

Rating (out of 5): 4

Brian's Review - Splice

Even human genes can't make this a smart movie.

Released: 2009
Genre(s): Thriller, Sci-Fi, Horror

Nothing irks me more than a movie that's advertised as horror, then completely fails to deliver on the premise. "Splice" is one such movie. While this is most likely a minor issue to most people, I find this sort of misdirection forgivable only if there is something else that redeems the film in some sort of major way. Fortunately for "Splice," despite the complete lack of scares, the special effects are notably stylish, seamlessly blending live-action actors and environments with sleek-looking CG. Also, I have to give the story some credit for being something that, while echoing monster classic "Frankenstein," manages to mildly succeed outside the box. However, the acting in this movie is mediocre at best, mainly due to one of the worst scripts in recent history - the actors desperately try to salvage some sort of emotional connection to their characters, but end up failing to be believable in the least. The writing in this film is so craptastic that it reeks with a pungent stench similar to every mass-produced, low-budget Syfy flick. Add in some incredibly awkward and completely unnecessary creature-on-human sex scenes, and you've got a giant science-fiction turd sandwich. "Splice" is barely sci-fi-lite and can hardly even be considered a thriller, making this film one gigantic failed experiment.

Rating (out of 5): 2

Brian's Review - A Nightmare on Elm Street (2010)

A Nightmare on Remake Street.

Released: 2010
Genre(s): Horror, Thriller

As a child, Freddy Krueger held a special place in my nightmares: the bladed glove-wielding maniac was capable of terrorizing audiences in creative, new ways, while simultaneously dropping some of the most darkly-hilarious one-liners in horror movie history. Wes Craven had effectively crafted one of the most iconic and memorable figures of the genre in the original 1984 release of "A Nightmare on Elm Street." Jump ahead to 2010: Michael Bay has already begun to poison Hollywood with a slew of terrible remakes nobody asked for. "A Nightmare on Elm Street" is easily among the most disappointing. While Jackie Earle Haley's portrayal of Freddy is fantastic (albeit, a bit darker than Robert Englund), all the other characters feel like slasher fodder - no one is fleshed-out, rather serving only as Freddy's generic victims. This makes the movie significantly less scary than most modern horror offerings - not caring about the characters means not caring about their survival. Freddy is imposing and threatening, but the movie spends too much time focusing on his backstory, instead of trying to generate genuine scares. Unfortunately, even the kills are less creative than the original, and fail to incite any sort of visceral tension or terror. Overall, an incredibly forgettable, ho-hum remake, and an obnoxious reminder that Hollywood makes money by bastardizing soundly-established franchises.

Rating (out of 5): 2

Brian's Review - 28 Days

28 days...but not later.

Released: 2000
Genre(s): Comedy, Drama

A lot of drug movies tend to be dark, humorless, and outstandingly depressing - and to be honest, this is fine, as drug addiction is one of the most morbid, gritty, and raw of topics. "28 Days" is interesting in its approach to addiction, as it serves more as a comedy than a true showcase of potential drug-related consequences. Sandra Bullock manages to breathe incredible life into her role as the main character, convincingly portraying the lowest of drug-addled lows, and highest of triumphant highs. Surrounding her is a quirky collection of social misfits and oddball characters, who each bring a certain level of charm to the film. However, while these characters and their various hardships may mimic real victims of addiction, they do so as mere shadows of the very heavy reality. This is a fun movie (it even manages to slip in some minor romantic elements), and I commend the idea of dressing up a cautionary tale as an inspirational comedy to help make the subject more easily digestible for the everyman, but "28 Days" should only be taken seriously as a film, not as an actual social commentary. Definitely worth a watch if you're looking to have your spirits lifted by watching someone else overcome obstacles, but if you want a more serious and brutally-realistic look at drug addiction, check elsewhere (see: "Requiem for a Dream").

Rating (out of 5): 3

Brian's Review - The Parent Trap (1961)

Double the fun in one movie.

Released: 1961
Genre(s): Comedy, Romance

While this film has been redone multiple times (most notably as the remake starring Lindsay Lohan from the late '90s), this classic entry stands head and shoulders above any of its reincarnations. Everyone in this movie exudes an undeniable air of charm, from the most minor of supporting characters to the main actress Hayley Mills, who does a fantastic job portraying long-lost twin sisters. The dialogue is cheeky, witty, and fun, and the story is equal parts whacky and sweet. Is the plot outrageously preposterous? Yes. At the same time, is it also genuinely timeless and delightful? Absolutely. Regardless of what generation is viewing this film, there is an innate allure to the comical mischief and clever character interactions here - this movie has aged beautifully. Some may be turned off by the cheesy theme and outdated style, but in my humble opinion, "The Parent Trap" is one of the best examples of early trick cinematography ever. If you enjoy a good, old-fashioned family flick, you should definitely give this one a try.

Rating (out of 5): 4.5

Brian's Review - All the Days Before Tomorrow

Don't let the title fool you: it's not really ALL the days before tomorrow. Just some.

Released: 2007
Genre(s): Drama, Romance

It's always interesting to see platonic relationships portrayed onscreen: the very idea is such an ambiguous gray area that it takes real skill to imitate the strange combination of friendly confidence and intimate uncertainty to a convincing degree. Herein lies the greatest success of "All the Days Before Tomorrow," an interesting spin on the romantic drama genre. Not only is this film's approach to relationships unorthodox, but so is its presentation of the plot itself - told out of sequence, it'd be appropriate to call this the "Memento" of indie dramas. While not quite a mental Rubik's Cube, the insertion of random, half-symbolic, half-nonsensical dream sequences can make this an understandably confusing ride at times, but it all comes together quite solidly in the end. However, the trip to said ending is done in a manner that is so subtle that it at times becomes jarringly slow, grinding the story almost completely to a halt. Fortunately, the back and forth exchanges between the two main characters feel so natural and gently charming that the movie never truly dips into a snorefest. Regardless, despite all of its clever devices, I couldn't really get 100% into "All the Days Before Tomorrow." In a lot of ways, it's much like a lazy Sunday afternoon: warm, relaxing, and mellow, but not for everyone. Definitely worth a watch if you're into something quieter and much different than the shallow, cookie-cutter romance films that dominate the market.

Rating (out of 5): 3.5

Brian's Review - Party Girl (1995)

This party should have been broken up by the cops.

Released: 1995
Genre(s): Comedy, Drama, Romance

"Party Girl" was just one of many '90s movies centering on young adult angst and the wild, partying subculture said young adults belonged to. Like many other flicks that came out around the same time, "Party Girl" tries to cram an underlying, deeper social commentary into its ridiculous bubblegum comedy shell. Unfortunately, the way it goes about this is so contrived and forced that nothing substantial can be gleaned from any number of viewings - the dramatic subtext and what should be a sweet, budding romance between the main character and a foreign street vendor is lost in the vapid, nonsensical noise of a hyper-charged, drug and booze-addled party crowd. Parker Posey brings a certain kind of charm to her persona, but most of the obnoxious characters in this film make it impossible to feel any sort of connection to their various causes. While the whackiness here is fun for a short time, it feels much like a party that goes on too late into the night. While it's not the shallowest offering from the era, there are definitely movies that boast much more substance than "Party Girl" out there (see: "Dazed and Confused").

Rating (out of 5): 2.5

Brian's Review - Messengers 2: The Scarecrow

The only message to get here is to not watch this movie.

Released: 2009
Genre(s): Horror, Thriller

Defining a movie as "horror" has rapidly become a grayer and grayer area with the advent of the straight-to-DVD market. The unfiltered slop that's consistently spewed into the Walmart bargain bin simply lacks the scares that used to serve as a horror movie's benchmark once upon a time. Instead, fans have begun associating the genre with how much sex and mindless gore is packed into a 2-hour DVD. Story, character development, and the build up of suspense have been forced to take the most secluded of backseats. Enter "Messengers 2: The Scarecrow" - an hour and a half of completely pedestrian nonsense and mind-numbing boredom. I was mildly entertained by "The Messengers" a few years ago, so when I saw its prequel "Messengers 2: The Scarecrow" available to rent at my local library, I quickly snatched it up. Thank God I didn't end up spending money to watch this; even a late fee would have been too much. Despite a noble attempt at acting by the cast, the script and plot of this movie drags horribly. Even when some "horror" aspects are introduced, the film barely manages to generate an atmosphere of even mild tension. The story has holes in it big enough to drive a truck through, making it hard to care about solving any of the movie's mysteries. This isn't really a problem, since everything about the plot is so predictable that the only way you wouldn't be able to guess what's happening ahead of time is if you fell asleep during the first hour (which is a very distinct possibility). In fact, the only mystery I really care about knowing the answer to is why "The" was dropped from "The Messengers" original title, when clearly the franchise name is the only reason this movie was made in the first place. When it comes to horror, there are far better offerings out there - even at the library.

Rating (out of 5): 1.5

Brian's Review - African Cats

A family film about the importance of family.

Released: 2011
Genre(s): Documentary

What aspects make a movie grab our attention? Story? Characters? Setting? It would be hard to argue that documentaries typically contain any sort of plot-driven narrative, rather choosing to present themselves as biopics or exposés. Disneynature's "African Cats" manages to transcend the pigeonholed expectations of the documentary genre, serving not only as a beautiful look at Kenya's dynamic savanna, but also capturing a real sense of adventure. In typical Disney fashion, all of the animals the movie focuses on are given names and assumed emotions: while some may be turned off by the idea of this personification, the raw ideas of mischief, adventure, curiosity, fear, love, and heart-rending loss help this feel more like a family film, and far less like a purely-educational David Attenborough special. It really does manage to tug at your heartstrings. While "African Cats" contains its fair share of animal-on-animal battles and violence, this may be one of the gentlest ways to expose a child to the savagery of nature and the ideas of loss: there is no gore whatsoever, even when the animals make a seemingly brutal kill. Much like the subjects this movie focuses on, "African Cats" is a glossy, gorgeous spectacle, and a great addition to the Disneynature library.

Rating (out of 5): 4

Brian's Review - Apollo 18

In space, no one can hear you snore.

Released: 2011
Genre(s): Sci-Fi, Horror, Thriller

Since the infamous "The Blair Witch Project" made shaky, Handycam/home surveillance/security camera-style movies cool in 1999, idiots - I mean audiences have been flocking to theaters in droves to check out every new entry into this genre, no matter the similarities to all previous offerings. The one trick pony gimmick of "this super-secret footage was magically found in a government dumpster and then was conveniently edited to match a typical audience's expected attention span" has become tedious and overdone, with filmmakers trying to pass off more and more preposterous ideas as conspiracies the authorities want to cover up. "Apollo 18" is the latest addition to this endless flow of mindless sludge, this time spinning a space angle into the mix. While I couldn't completely dislike this movie, as the production value was fairly decent (most notably the footage in the very beginning, designed to imitate 1970's film), I couldn't help but feel jilted by the lack of scares in something that was billed as a "horror" - for that matter, I felt a bit jilted by the lack of any form of excitement in something that was billed as a "movie." There isn't any real buildup here, so when the main characters actually start facing off with what can only be described as "some of the least impressive antagonists in recent memory," the thrill is nothing more than a minor distraction from all the nothingness happening out in space. The film really could have capitalized on the claustrophobic setting of the astronauts' spacecraft, but instead uses its multitude of camera angles to showcase the most mundane of activities. While the acting is decent, there's little for the actors to react to - very few things that happen actually serve a purpose to the advancement of the story, making the whole movie simply feel lost in space.

Rating (out of 5): 1.5

Brian's Review - Don't Be Afraid of the Dark (2011)

In fact, don't be afraid of this movie.

Released: 2011
Genre(s): Thriller, Horror

Guillermo del Toro is known for conjuring up skin-crawling creeps set against twisted, gritty backgrounds, taking advantage of the darkest corners of the imagination in a way that is both whimsical and haunting. "Don't Be Afraid of the Dark" does not accomplish any of this. While the signature transformation of a mundane, familiar setting (i.e. a house) into a threatening atmosphere occurs here, the expected scares are completely lacking from this film. The lore and fairy tale feel of this movie are truly del Toro, but to call this a horror movie would be completely incorrect. Look elsewhere, if you're a serious scare-seeker.

Rating (out of 5): 2

Brian's Review - HappyThankYouMorePlease

MildlyEntertainedThankYouMorePlotPlease.

Released: 2010
Genre(s): Drama, Comedy, Romance

"HappyThankYouMorePlease" is a surprisingly gentle foray into the indie movie scene, sticking to slow, plodding plotlines, and somewhat contrived, forced "feel good" situations. However, it also doesn't lack genuinely endearing moments - you feel for the flawed main characters and want them to succeed, cringing during their inevitable falls from grace, and silently cheering as they make changes for the better. However, the script itself is somewhat weak, and drains any sense of direction this film could potentially benefit from. The acting is solid, and the actors do a great job trying to add momentum to the story, but ultimately, the characters only work within the limited microcosm the plot lays out for them - beyond that, things may feel a little boring. Still worth a view, as the acting alone is worth the ticket price.

Rating (out of 5): 3

Brian's Review - The Phantom (1996)

Purple tights always conquer evil.

Released: 1996
Genre(s): Action, Adventure

If an "Indiana Jones" movie and a "Batman" movie went to a bar, both got piss-drunk, and ended up somehow procreating, their offspring would most certainly be "The Phantom." While not quite as goofy as one might expect from the poster (or just the basic premise as a whole), there's still something supremely campy about Billy Zane running around the jungle in purple tights, knocking out bad guys with a deftly-timed right hook. The movie somehow manages to make this work for it, though - "The Phantom" easily balances on the thin line between "taking itself too seriously" and "not taking itself seriously enough" (see: The "Batman" series, starring Adam West). Herein lies undeniable entertainment value: we get a little bit of comedy, a sprinkling of romantic adventure, and it's all wrapped up in a giant montage of comic book-style action (which is appropriate, as it's a movie based off of the comic book character of the same name). While not thought-provoking or deeply-profound by any stretch of the imagination, "The Phantom" still serves as a fun action/adventure flick that's definitely worth a viewing when you're in the mood for something a little more on the light-hearted side.

Rating (out of 5): 3

Brian's Review - Ju-on: The Grudge

Making little, Japanese boys scary since 2002.

Released: 2002
Genre(s): Horror, Thriller

Some of you may not know this, but two years before Sarah Michelle Gellar ventured into a Japanese haunted house and battled the spooks inside in "The Grudge," the Japanese version of the movie "Ju-on: The Grudge" was released, and made people incredibly uncomfortable about dead, Japanese women who slithered on the ground while croaking. While not as jump-scare-happy as its American counterpart, "Ju-on: The Grudge" manages to effectively produce a significantly creepy ghost story through the most fundamental of means: dark rooms and corridors, weird sound effects, and the inability to escape any of it. Perhaps the most impressive feat of all is the complete lack of gore - a feat seldom accomplished in this day and age of gimmicky splatterfests (and to be honest, I think people who watch horror only for the gore are complete morons). However, the techniques employed in this film would be so much more effective if the pacing of it was not quite as disjointed: the movie is broken up into multiple "chapters" or "episodes" centering around each character. However, this relieves any of the building tension that the previous chapter had been working to establish, effectively starting the whole process over, instead of letting the fright build to a truly terrifying head. Those who are used to watching mainly American horror-style movies may find this bothersome, and even those who are fans of foreign horror may disapprove of this layout. Regardless, "Ju-on: The Grudge" is an effective chiller, and something that can easily be enjoyed with the lights off and the volume cranked.

Rating (out of 5): 3

Brian's Review - The Expendables (2010)

Why aren't there more explosions?

Released: 2010
Genre(s): Action, Adventure

"The Expendables" is not what I thought it'd be, only partially managing to fulfill the expectation of an insane, over-the-top, retro-action romp, completely devoid of reservation. While the action sequences are incredibly enjoyable and delightfully excessive, I can't help but feel that the movie takes itself a bit too seriously at times. The plot doesn't dig too deep, but it also takes up far too much of the movie; firefights don't start consistently erupting at a pace you'd expect from a movie that includes the grand masters of the action movie hall of fame until an hour-plus into the film. With this kind of cast, "The Expendables" should have been 95% explosions and mindless gun violence, and 5% cheesy one-liners, but this is far from how the movie plays out. To be honest, the plot was even difficult to understand at times - not because of any complexity or abstract concepts, but rather due to the fact that a majority of the actors sported hard to understand accents or a speech impediment of some sort. All in all, "The Expendables" ends up with a lot of wasted potential, but survives as a solid action flick - that is, if you have the patience to wait for the bullets to start flying.

Rating (out of 5): 3

Brian's Review - Tucker & Dale vs. Evil

Grab a beer (or six) and enjoy.

Released: 2010
Genre(s): Comedy, Horror

Hillbillies hacking scantily-dressed teens to pieces with axes/machetes/chainsaws is not a new concept within the horror genre by any stretch. "Tucker & Dale vs. Evil" takes the classic teen slasher idea, flips it on its head, and makes it do an epic keg stand, producing one hell of a fun comedy-horror. The kills are goofy, but well within expected genre norms, and the gore is rampant, but not wildly-realistic or unnecessarily stomach-churning. Despite all the run-of-the-mill clichés, the movie actually uses them completely tongue-in-cheek, almost as a comedic homage to the slasher genre, creating something clever and seriously funny in the process. "Tucker & Dale vs. Evil" even manages to fit in some surprisingly genuine moments of innocent charm, a sweetness that keeps it from feeling overly trashy. The laughs the writing hopes to invoke do not disappoint here, and while real scares are nonexistent, the humor easily carries this movie by itself. For anyone who was a fan of "Shaun of the Dead" or "Dead Snow," I highly recommend checking this film out.

Rating (out of 5): 4